At this time of year, many parents are faced with results
from their child’s recent senior school entry pre-tests, interviews,
assessments or for some, the 11+. Our consultants have been congratulating many
who have received the good news they were hoping for from their first choice
school.
However, sadly there have also been parents who have come to
us to ask for help since their outcome was not so positive. Here are a few tips
from our team of consultants which have come in handy recently, while we have
been offering advice and support to parents at what can be a very tricky time
for all.
Bad news on the result front presents a confusing challenge
for parents as to choosing the right alternative. It tends to lead to a worried
frenzy of reviewing your child’s academic potential. Asking if you applied to
the right schools, seeking to identify curriculum areas where your child may
have struggled in the entry process, questioning whether you should have
prepared or tutored them more, are all factors which seem to spring into
parents’ minds at this time.
Coupled with questioning your school application and
preparation strategy, there’s also the primary concern of how you support your
child through the sense of rejection they may feel at a young and sensitive
age. This can be a knock to both confidence and self-esteem for some and needs
careful handling.
Always talk about your list of potential school choices in a
positive way. Until you have a confirmed outcome, it is important for your
child to believe they will succeed and you will be proud of them, whatever
school they join. Your child will thrive better if they attend a school which
challenges at the right level, rather than scraping in by their finger nails
and battling their way through the next 5 years, just to keep their head above
water.
Phil Hallworth adds a few key points on supporting your
child at this tricky time below:
Don't confuse your own feelings of disappointment with those
your child - they are very different things. However you feel about it remember
that he or she will be feeling wretched about letting you down and will feel a
'failure' - however hard they tried and however bright they are. Don't allow
your own crushed aspirations to prevent you from doing the right thing for your
child by way of love and support at this difficult time. He or she needs to
know that there is a right school for them where they will be happy and where
they will succeed (and remember, TIEC can help you find it!)
Finally, Phil suggests accepting that maybe you chose the
wrong school in the first place and now need to re-think school choice more
realistically in the light of this rejection.
To start this process, the first port of call should be your
prep school Head or senior schools adviser. If the results are unexpected or
there are unusual circumstances which may have affected your child’s
performance, these are better presented to the senior school admissions team as
an objective opinion from your current school, rather than the emotional pleas
of a worried parent. Prep schools are called this for a reason, so ask them to
use their relationship to support your appeal, if they confirm that one is
appropriate. Hence, as soon as possible, seek guidance on the next steps from
your current school and follow their advice.
If they advise revisiting your school choices, try to
disregard confusing dinner party banter and school gate chatter. Torturing
yourself with the success stories of others while you are handling
disappointment will not help your mood. Your child will have different
strengths, interests, personality and learning needs compared with many of
their peers. Remain positive, think through pros and cons of alternative
schools via evidence from your own experience of visits to the schools and you
will more quickly find a way to resolve things.
For those yet to face the gauntlet of 11+ or senior school
pre-test, interview or assessment results, the most important advice of all is
to be realistic from the outset and plan your senior school applications
accordingly. Listen to advice from their current Head and other senior staff
and make every effort to match up their academic level or other talents and
interests, to the right senior school choices. Aiming high is important as
children will often respond to a challenge by performing better. However, make
the goals and challenge realistic, not pie in the sky.
We are blessed with a whole range of senior school choices
across both the state and independent sectors. Whatever your child’s strengths,
interests and learning needs there is a right school for them, if you remain
open-minded and realistic.
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